Monday 17th July : Day 17
The weather was great at the weekend and so the court beckoned. A great doubles on Saturday against my good friend Tim and his brother-in-law . I played with Mark , half the reigning club doubles champions . Thankfully he carried me through two generally good-humoured sets .
People may disagree , but I generally regard myself as having a very placid and even temperament . I hate confrontation and believe in the old-fashioned virtues of politeness and respect .
However , on the tennis court that brittle veneer of cordiality often gets stretched to breaking point , and its worth examining why .
Tennis means a lot to me . I am as vain as the next person about my standard of play , although I like to think that I have come to terms with my lack of ability . But when I fail to play to even the mediocre level I have so come to cherish is the moment it all starts going wrong . My psyche is not suited to 'bad days' .
So racquets break , balls go into lakes and I turn into an arse . I'm not a bad loser , I'm just a bad player . I can lose 0 and 0 and be happy with the level of my performance , or I can be deeply unhappy whilst in a strong position .
When I get into this state it is pure self-loathing that takes over , and that is the crux of the matter . Tennis is the only part of my life where my self-esteem falls to such a dramatic low .
After my marriage , tennis is the most cherished thing in my life ; and yet it provides the absolute all-time psychological lows of my life . Perhaps I am destined to always be a 'grumpy' tennis player , although I don't want to be .
So to all of you who have experienced that side of me , I would like to take this opportunity to apologise unreservedly for past indiscretions , and crave your indulgence for future ones .
Goodnight, Friends.
People may disagree , but I generally regard myself as having a very placid and even temperament . I hate confrontation and believe in the old-fashioned virtues of politeness and respect .
However , on the tennis court that brittle veneer of cordiality often gets stretched to breaking point , and its worth examining why .
Tennis means a lot to me . I am as vain as the next person about my standard of play , although I like to think that I have come to terms with my lack of ability . But when I fail to play to even the mediocre level I have so come to cherish is the moment it all starts going wrong . My psyche is not suited to 'bad days' .
So racquets break , balls go into lakes and I turn into an arse . I'm not a bad loser , I'm just a bad player . I can lose 0 and 0 and be happy with the level of my performance , or I can be deeply unhappy whilst in a strong position .
When I get into this state it is pure self-loathing that takes over , and that is the crux of the matter . Tennis is the only part of my life where my self-esteem falls to such a dramatic low .
After my marriage , tennis is the most cherished thing in my life ; and yet it provides the absolute all-time psychological lows of my life . Perhaps I am destined to always be a 'grumpy' tennis player , although I don't want to be .
So to all of you who have experienced that side of me , I would like to take this opportunity to apologise unreservedly for past indiscretions , and crave your indulgence for future ones .
Goodnight, Friends.
posted by Finky at 3:23 PM
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